Monday, December 21, 2009

The most boring and depressing game ever

This random image from google illustrates my feelings pretty well

Shit game, short recap, depressed Norwegian going to bed soon:

I missed the first few minutes, but when I arrived the Hawks were going on a PP after a Maltby hook. The Wings were great on the kill and managed to get the Hawks to take a penalty at the end of it. After a short 4-on-4 Detroit got the PP, but didn't achieve much before the Hawks got a breakaway. Bertuzzi "hooked" Toews and got a soft penalty. After a 4-on-4 that the Hawks dominated, Keith scored on a shot off a Wings defender on the PP. Weak by Ozzie. He went down way too fast. The Hawks dominated the next minutes too, and at the half way point the Wings had no shots on goal. Just after that the Hawks got a crossbar on a horrible Janik turnover. Pasha got the first shot after THIRTEEN minutes! After that it opened up a bit, but the Hawks were still dominating. The biggest Wings chance came with 3 minutes left. Leino had a half breakaway, but as he's slow as fuck he had to take a long shot which Huet saved. After that Detroit actually had a few more chances and dominated the end of the period. But the period before that was pretty weak. They turned the puck over way too much, had no speed on the breakout, seemed offensively anemic and forechecked so bad it seemed like Chicago had a free pass on the breakout.

At the beginning of the second we got to know that Eaves had gone for x-rays. He hadn't, he was playing. Kane got a breakaway after a minute after a bad Lids play, but fumbled it. A few minutes later Ozzie had to run out to near the blue line after Janik fumbled a pass. The Pasha line was the first to get pressure and had a few small chances. Then the Wings got a pen for an absolutely wrong too many men call. Thanks Gary. Ass. The Hawks got some good chances on a too tight Wings box, but didn't capitalize. After a period where the play open up, Abbie tried to flatten Sharp, but fell on his ass, then he went after the Hoser and a scrum ensued. Amazingly enough, only Sharp got penalized, for roughing. Whisky dick PP ensued. Then a few Hawks chances. Wings looked pretty anemic this period too. Then the Hawks scored again. A good drop pass went to Campbell who scored. Weak five-hole goal. Ozzie needs to take those. More Hawks pressure followed. Then a 62-footer from Byfuglien went in. Ozzie's fault. Horrible. Horrible period, bad end, bad goals. I really wanted to go to bed at that point, but stayed for the sake of my 6 readers. Yay!

After an early Bert chance in the third, Dats hit Versteeg. The douche took exception and they "hugged" a bit and got two each for roughing. Miller had a good chance after a strong play on the 4-on-4 and Abbie got another shot in. The period actually started half decently. Then Janik got the Hawks back in it by serving Byfuglien a great chance. Luckily Ozzie saved it. A period of Hawks pressure followed. A looong period. I kinda spaced out after that. With 5 mins left Abbie crushed Kane. Fair hit. Might have hurt him. I loved it anyway. Weirdly Abbie got 2 mins for holding. The Zebra's need glasses. Douchy Toews who went after abbie got nothing. The PP gave the Hawks some chances, but no goals. With 1:50 left bert and ladd got thrown off for roughing. Yawn. That was it.

- Leino seems to run slow, think slow and be too late on everything. I have also decided that I blame him for Z's injury. If he hadn't tried to do a Bertuzzi spin-o-rama and put the puck 4 meters ahead of Z, he wouldn't have been stretching and vulnerable. Fuck you Ville, go home!
- I finally noticed Janik. He played like crap.
- I love the fact that the Hawks can't call up a single player with a contract for next year.
- When the Hawks lose Sopel and 2 of Sharp, Byfuglien and Versteeg, we're gonna see if they can do well with later draft picks too or if they're just good at 1st overall picks and big UFAs. I think they'll suck.
- "Detroit sucks" Yeah, hey, most of the team is injured and you have sucked for 20 years, but sure, shout about how the Wings suck instead of rooting for your team. Hawks fans suck!
- It doesn't count as a chance when it's Kopecky.
- A lot other thoughts, but they break my rule of minimum two words per swear word.

Keys to the game
- Stuart's flattenting of Hossa and Kopecky (?)
Nope. Sadly.

- 20 cent will try to mug Brad May when Brad cracks a Taxi driver joke at him (?)
Sadly didn't happen.

- Can Dats, Homer and Bert keep up their good stuff?
They had some chances, weren't horrible, but no goals.

- Will Bertuzzi do any defensive errors that will make me depressed for another 24 hours?
None that were that big... He had a decent defensive game.

- Will Brett Lebda be "fucking terrible" or "just really bad"?
Somewhere in between.

- Nick, goal, need, now!

- Can someone not on the first line score?

- How whisky dick will the PP be?
Very whisky dick-

Play of the game
What of the what? BAH!

Wing of the game
Tempted to say none, but Helm at least ran around like the little Energizer bunny he is, while the rest of the team looked like a bunch of disinterested playboy bunnies being run over by an 18 wheeler.

Challenge for the readers of this blog
I hate Chicago. I hate the Hawks. I hate their fans. So, I have a challenge for you guys. Tell me how much you hate the Hawks in the comment section of this post. Before the game on wednesday I'll pick out one answer, and the lucky winner will get to choose a (at least slightly) Red Wings-related topic that I will have to make a post about. So come on! I want answer for all six of you (numbers according to the vote).

Good night folks (right, this night's gonna be soo good).


  1. I reserve my second worst rating for Chicago: they suck SMW.

    =Syphilitic Moose Wankie

  2. I like it. That's a, um, creative use of the english language

  3. Hate hate... it is more a denial of existence, I just pretend Chicago doesn't exist because they don't deserve my attention ^_^
    And Howard should be in goal... I dunno, I like the guy.

  4. I've always hated pretty much every Chicago team- too many years of hearing how Michael Jordan is god during my childhood- but it got worse when my brother and sister-in-law moved there. The one game they went to (to cheer on the Wings, of course) the Hawks fans threw beer on them and threatened to beat up my brother in the parking lot! Who does that?
    Now whenever I visit them, I always make sure I bring something Red Wing-related to wear each day... and wave my Lidstrom scarf at the United Center... and laugh at people in Hawks gear...

  5. Been reading your blog for a while now - AWESOME by the way. But of course, it's hatred for the Hawks that has me coming to post here... I HATE the Hawks so much that I had to commit the cardinal sin against the Red Wings earlier this month. Yes, rooting for the Penguins. When they played the Blackhawks, of course. It made me nauseous, sick, and very disappointed in myself, but I did it. I hoped that Fleury would get a shut-out, that Crysbaby would score a hat trick to sent Huet crying, and that in an eerily similar move to Franzen's playoff move last year, Malkin would decide to take offense to Kane's mouthguard and pull it out of his mouth and throw it onto the ice. Would it have been easier to just wish for an earthquake and for the entire United Center to just collapse upon itself? Sure... But considering how the hockey gods have been treating us this season, I didn't think we'd get that lucky. Can't wait to taunt Hossa & the Hawks at tomorrow night's game.

  6. Some good ones here... I must admit that I rooted for the Pens in that game too, but it felt pretty awful. I kinda just hoped both teams would make each other disappear in some weird explotion of disgustingness

  7. nurse nitz wins. You can now choose a topic (has to at least slightly Wings related) that I have to make a post about