Monday, March 22, 2010

A day in the life of Todd Bertuzzi

I had nothing to do at work, so the series continues!

7:00 Todd wakes up and sheds a tear for all the suffering in the world.
7:30 Todd is at the soup kitchen, cooking breakfast for the homeless people.
9:00 Todd is done at the soup kitchen, he eats a kitten for breakfast on his way to practice.
09:30 Todd arrives at the JLA. Spends 15 minutes signing autographs for the kids outside.
10:30 Ice practice. Todd plays well, but does some weird stuffs.
12:00 The practice is over, but Todd stays on for 20 minutes practicing spins for his upcoming Battle of the Blades season.
13:00 Todd arrives at the hospital. He visits 44 kids and the dude he recently donated his left kidney to.
15:01 Todd helps an old lady across the street.
15:03 Todd reads today's Production Line on his iPhone. He gets a few chuckles out of it.
15:05 Todd reads through the love letter he is working on for Michael Petrella. Hed still isn't satisfied. It seems clumsy and he cannot find the right words.
15:15 Todd has another kitten for lunch.
15:30 Todd does some volunteer work at a local school, helping kids with their homework.
16:30 Todd arrives at the soup kitchen to make dinner for the homeless people.
18:30 Todd leaves the soup kitchen. He has two more kittens for dinner.
18:40 Todd writes his daily letter of apology to Steve Moore.
18:53 Todd helps a kid find his parents at the mall.
19:00 Todd gives a beggar 1500 dollars.
19:03 Todd helps a kid get his cat down from a tree.
19:10 Gary Bettman calls. Todd tells him to fuck off and die.
19:15 Todd meets up with the hitman he has hired to "take care of" Marc Crawford.
19:30 Todd finds some homeless people and invites them to stay at his place since it's so cold outside.
20:00 Todd watches a documentary about the hunger in Sudan. He gets so moved that he donates his wife and kids to the relief efforts.
21:00 Todd spends two hours working on plans for world peace.
23:00 Todd goes to sleep. He sheds a tear for all the suffering in the world.

3 comments:

  1. Awesome. Love the TPL and Buttman part especially.

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  2. This is amazing, Andy. I've actually heard rumors that Tuzzi is a good guy, you know, for someone who eats nothing but kittens. A guy in a wheelchair that Nurse and I met before the home opener told us all about how Tuzzi stopped his car on the way into JLA and started talking to him and asking him about his life... not sure how often that happens, but your insight is clearly flawless :)
    My favorite though? 20:00 Todd watches a documentary about the hunger in Sudan. He gets so moved that he donates his wife and kids to the relief efforts.- Nicely done, Tuzzi.

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  3. hehe thanks.. And yes, I am pretty confident that Bert is a good guy...

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