Welcome to 25:19, a feature that will run every Monday for 19 (duh!) weeks. Every week I will make 5 (Nick) lists, with 5 (number of rings Nick will retire with) points on each list. Thus having 25 (DMac) points in total every week. The lists will be random hockey stuff, some rankings, other in random order. Some will be opinions, others humour. I will leave it to you judge what is what. Hopefully you will find it entertaining and/or provoking enough to leave your ideas on things I missed and what I did wrong in the comments.
Sorry that this is a day later than usual, but I was busy drinking last night, so sue me! Also, I want to acknowledge that Aaron Ward, who was on my "former Wings who can go to hell"-list in the last one has retired. Let us celebrate his career by saying this: Eat a dick you fucking assface.
1. Five games I look forward to
- Sat Oct 9th @Chicago: Seeing the Hawks raise their banner and then ice something like two and a half players from last years team and get crushed by the Wings will be fun.
- Tue Jan 18th @Pittsburgh: I just enjoy seeing Z dominate Rosby. Rosby is so cute when he is angry. (Not really).
- Wed Mar 16th vs. Washington: I always look forward to seeing Nick neutralize Ovechkin
- Wed Mar 9th/Fri Mar 11th vs. Kings/Oilers: Cause I'll be there, bitches!
- Date and opponent TBA, Stanley Cup Finals, game 5: Cause after losing one on the road to get to win at home, we get number 12.
2. Five division winners this season (Central obviously excluded, cause everyone knows who wins
- Northwest: Vancouver
- Pacific: Los Angeles
- Southeast: Washington
- Atlantic: New Jersey
- Northeast: Buffalo
3. Five things I hate about Eddie Olzcyk
- He's a homer, even on NBC, and cannot stop raving about those young Hawks.
- He's so proud of Sid and of being his first NHL coach that he nearly cums in his pants everytime he gets a chance to talk about him.
- They insist on calling him Edzo and use it every time they talk to him.
- He thinks he was a big shot player and coach, despite being a mediocre player and terrible coach.
- If you're unfortunate enough to catch him on Comcast Chicago you can hear him and his partner talk endlessly about their families, cooking and other shit you don't care about. Also, his hair is ugly.
4. Five things you just DON'T do as a Red Wings fan
- Root for the Blackhawks. Ever. The only exceptions are extreme family reasons or, God forbid, if the Wings need the Hawks to win to get into the playoffs.
- Talk a bad word about The Captain.
- Speak a bad word about The Grind Line.
- Say a good word about the turtle.
- Root for Chicago. I cannot repeat and emphasis this enough. It is historiless and bordering on treason. Sorry, but I WILL question you if you do.
5. Five things that would make NBC's hockey broadcasts better
- Mention Rosby more. It's like they don't even know he exists.
- Use Pierre's head as a drawing board to illustrate plays that just happened on the ice.
- Use autotune every time Doc says "Driiiiiive".
- Roenick vs. Milbury. Cagematch to the death.
- Shoot Eddie Olzcyk in the face. With a puck. As intermission entertainment. One shot for each time he gives a Hawks player or Sid a verbal blowjob.
More cute than sexy, but I had to feature her at some point:
Pretty boring, but I wanted a guy on skates:
8 months ago